As most people know it, the honeymoon is the period that follows a wedding where the newlyweds whisk off to a tropical or romantic location to spend a week or two basking in their newly married life. Where did this honeymoon idea come from? There are a few theories and even while some have been disproved, the residue of those stories still echo through wedding blogs and magazines. Let’s explore…
Relatives tour Doctors being anti-honeymoon Mead Bees The depressing decline Divorce rates The vacation For upperclass newlyweds what we currently know as a honeymoon was more likely a wedding tour, to visit relatives who could not attend the wedding. I think we sufficiently covered this in our three-stop-wedding anniversary party. Check. From its origins when travel became a part of the deal, Italy and the French Riviera were popular destinations. Traditionally, couples would leave midway through the wedding reception, however today, they may not leave for 1-3 days post ceremony… or until they have the money to do it. Back in the day, medical practitioners advised against the travel. This was due to the fragility of the wife during this important sexual initiation. They thought the travel might actually be too difficult for her. Moving along… There’s a story about pagans drinking mead for the first month after a wedding. This is debated and from what I’ve seen, not entirely true, but it sounds delicious nonetheless. Bees. Another source for the term comes from the early days in the life of a honey bee queen. Immediately after her birth within a hive, a queen bee leaves the hive over the course of several days, to meet up with multiple drones in separate drone congregation areas. She is inseminated with a lifetime of sperm, and then returns to the hive to remain there the rest of her life, laying eggs. The queen essentially goes away for a "honey-moon" and returns back, ready to live the rest of her life. The centuries old practice of beekeeping may have led to other folklore related to this "going away" before starting a life "in the hive" (back at home). Yikes. The first recorded description of the word comes from 1542, when Samuel Johnson. The cheery fellow wrote, “The first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure; originally having no reference to the period of a month, but comparing mutual affection of newly-married persons to the changing moon which is no sooner full that it begins to wane…” The cynicism doesn’t stop there. In 1552, author Richard Huloet wrote: “Hony mone, a term proverbially applied to such as be newly married, which will not fall out at the first, but th’one loveth the other at the beginning exceedingly, the likelihood of their exceadings love appearing to aswage, ye which time the vulgar people call the hony mone.” What downers. In 2015, a “scholarly study” concluded that honeymooning is somewhat associated with a lower risk of divorce (regardless of how much time is spent on the honeymoon itself). If you’ve been following along, you’ve noticed a theme about weddings as we know them being about wealth and class. As it turns out, high spending on wedding-related expenses such as this IS associated with a high risk of divorce. (Divorce seems like a whole other topic I am not getting near but shout out to all my people consciously uncoupling!) It wasn’t until 200 years after the term honeymoon was created that it caught on as a vacation, around 1791. Finally, the phrase honeymoon, or hony mone, alluded to the first month of marriage being the sweetest, filled with tenderness and pleasure. And there we have it. May you hony mone every month of your relationships! Details about ours coming soon.
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Thank you Rick Priest, Greg Hollway and Yasmin Mudah for helping us capture such precious and ridiculous moments!
We made our way to the King County records department where we got in line near the wedding kiosk. We paid a woman to procure marriage paperwork and raised our right hand to swear we weren’t related and consenting adults. Why do we raise our right hand? Well, the internet tells me it’s a tradition that started with 17th century branding and clergymen. Back in London’s central criminal court, when members of the Church appeared in the court for trial, they could ask for the “Benefit of Clergy.” This was the right of all the Church’s members to be punished by the Church and not from the court. As one can imagine, this likely resulted in lighter sentences. However, they only got one free pass. To keep record of this, they were punished with branding. Next time they found themselves in court, they had to raise their right hand to show that they hadn’t been branded. So basically, raising our right hand is a leftover tradition designed to take it easy on men of God who were criminals. That’s weird. We took our paperwork to Supreme Court Judge, Judge Karen Donahue. There were multiple judges to choose from so we looked for a combination of who was available the date we liked plus her resume and legal decisions. The wedding party went through an airport level security screening before making our way down the marble halls of the courthouse. They scanned the pretty flowers our families had gotten us. The 4:30pm call time arrived. We had a funny moment of confusion when the sign on the court room read, “witnesses were to remain the hall.” Wait, what’s the point of brining witnesses if you’re going to keep them in the hall?! Isn’t their job to witness? But then we realized it was for witnesses testifying, not marriage witnesses. I’m not sure what I was expecting but the court room was very sanitary... minus two very large blue tubs which looked like they could be holding a toxic event. We paid her a sum in cash. She opened a binder filled with notes in 14pt font slipped into a plastic sheet cover. And we did the thing…
And we were witnessed. (PS – stickynotes are a totally legit way to document witnesses. I knew it.)
What is up with the veil y'all? In my research I found many interesting notes about the meaning of and purpose of the veil. A veil is a way to ward off evil spirits. I’m down with that. I have a very strict no demon policy. Over the years I’ve heard various accounts of people wearing someone on their heads as a means of protection from spiritual mischief. A veil can be a symbol of modesty and obedience. It’s considered by some to be the oldest part of the bridal ensemble. A veil has been used to hide the bride’s face from their partner. Some sales folks have even said you’re supposed to give one layer of the veil to your father, and hang the other over your first born baby’s crib. That’s some super weird shit. Veiling has been associated with women as/and sacred objects. A groom lifting the veil to kiss the bride has symbolized the groom’s right to enter into conjugal relations. Veils have signified status and respectability. At one time, female slaves and sex workers were prohibited by law from wearing a veil. It’s not only about the ladies. In some cultures, men are veiled as a sign of passing puberty and entering manhood. There’re entire readings on veiling objects. What’s the most common thing we veil? I’d say our tables – tablecloths! You can take the veil, life the veil and move beyond the veil – there are many colloquial sayings associated with veiling. Me? I like the notion of it protecting me from evil spirits. While I won’t be wearing it at the ceremonies, I will be rocking it on the trip to the courthouse. Because let’s be real… the last entity I want to sanctify my partnership is the government. A little extra protection for any bad juju of our institution is always welcome. I also subscribe to the philosophy: why get married at all if you can’t wear something fun on your head?! I’ll be hand making mine and singing songs of protection into it as I go. Tulle – recycled from a friend’s wedding. Lace – etsy, though I do wish I had Italian lace. Maybe I’ll get some for the 20th year anniversary. Then the Jerome and I will lift and move beyond the veil together… continuing to explore what’s revealed as we close 10 years, and enter the next decade of our relationship. Rings are one of the traditions we chose to keep (you can review them all in Our Commitments blog). Basically, we believe rings are a physical manifestation and symbol of the agreements we make with one another. As believers of magic, we designate the rings as our power objects that strengthen, protect and innovate our commitments. Jerome has chosen to be branded instead (see his anniversary proposal for details). The search started at a vintage mall, scouring endless rows of cocktail rings. Eventually we decided to have one made. The Cat is having her ring hand-crafted by Michelle Lenae, a local Seattle artist. She uses recycled metals and hand selects her stones. Definitely check out her etsy site. Labradorite is one of Cat's favorite stones as it has all kinds of metaphysical properties, and just looks badass. Notes about it's power, protection, healing and transformational magical properties can be found here and here. Lore says that labradorite fell from the frozen fire of the aurora borealis and that it's shimmering mystical light separates the waking world from unseen realms. It's the magic stone of shamans, diviners, healers and travelers who embrace the universe seeking knowledge. It enhances intuitive abilities and protects from within. Here are some photos from our first trip to visit Michelle, and the progress made. Let’s talk cake. There won’t be one. Though, it was quite fun researching the history of wedding cakes.
There were cakes that were broken over the bride’s head for good fortune. Cakes stacked tall so you had to kiss over them. Cakes with glass rings hiding inside that would predict who would be next to marry. Per the theme of weddings being a public display of wealth, cakes were a luxury item signaling social status. The bigger the cake, the higher the standing. The whiter the icing, the wealthier you were. There will be no cake. No cake topper. And definitely no shoving cake into each other’s mouths and smearing it all over your face. I am strongly opposed to this practice. But there will be pastries! We're both Gemini, and like variety. Rather than one wedding cake, we're doing a blend of sweet treats! The Cat went pastry tasting on her a trip out to Denver. She ran her family around town forcing them to taste absorbent amounts of pastry. The Denver short list of favorite pastries includes: Nothing Bunt Cakes - Now if only they were soaked in rum! Cuba Bakery and Cafe - Eat all the empanadas! The Rheinlander - The Germans do it right. Azucar - Sweet, sweet deliciousness. Evidence of the carnage below. No pastry was left behind, and The Cat has since fully recovered from the sugar coma. Lisa - At first glance, from my USF dorm room looking down at the baseball players heading out to the field, I knew there was something – a connection - to the player with the dark hair. In my mind I knew we were meant to be together. It was Spring 1974.
Tim - I first met Lisa in August 1975 at the beginning of Welcome Week. I am not sure what fate had in mind, but life was going to get interesting. At the time I was engaged. During the Fall and Spring semesters we saw each other: in the dorms, as I worked the desk or as night operations manager; in class and on campus; within our common small circle of friends; at soccer and basketball games; and at campus and Peers fraternity events. Lisa - I met Tim and his fiancée, when they volunteered for USF’s 1975 Welcome Week program, which I co-coordinated. Tim and I were in several classes together during the Fall ‘75 and Spring ’76 semesters. We got to know each other over class projects, campus sports events, and dorm life. Tim - From January on I was busy with baseball. We would cross paths on campus or in the dorms. Things started to get more interesting during Easter break. We went out to dinner at Steak and Ale and with some friends and then we returned to Lisa’s dorm room to watch The Shoes of the Fisherman. I’m not sure if we got extra credit for watching this old movie. I’m not sure if it was the wine we shared, a Novitiate Black Muscat, but our relationship changed that night. I’m not sure what my intentions were, but it was the first time I kissed her, and my life changed. It wasn’t until some time later that I realized it changed for the good. Lisa & Tim - Contact during the rest of that semester was limited to class and seeing each other in passing. The rumor mill was going crazy. Tim - I remember seeing her at my graduation and then she was gone. Lisa - My dad had surgery the week following graduation. I quickly moved out of the dorms to return home to help out my mom and dad. Lisa - I continued to work on campus during the Summer of ’76 as did Tim. We saw each other on occasion. Then I was encouraged to apply for a educational co-op job in Burlingame. Little did I know Tim had gotten a job at a bank branch in Burlingame. We began sharing rides to and from work. Tim - At the end of the Summer I was given the duty to drive my sister to college in Los Angeles and my grandmother to Hollywood to visit relatives. I continued and drove to San Diego to sort some things out with my fiancée. The drive back home was very long and tiring, but from that point on it’s all history. Lisa - On Halloween ’76 it all changed. His fiancée came to campus to visit him and word quickly spread that they were no longer together. Lisa - In the summer of 1978 I offered to purchase Tim a suit for his July birthday and for job hunting. As I reeled from the cost of the suit, he walked me towards a jewelry store and asked me about the rings in the display. I pointed to an opal and a setting I liked. He led me inside and ordered the stone and setting. I thought he was nuts. Lisa & Tim - In August we announced our engagement on the big screen at a Summer ½ price night Giants game attended by 35 of our friends. In October his family hosted a Costume Engagement party for us. I dressed as the Pink Panther and Tim donned a trench coat and became Columbo. Once upon a time, on a lovely Paris evening in the fall of 1976, a young American au-pair and a German art student both decide to go for a drink in a café called “La Palette” at 43 Rue de Seine, near the Ecole des Beaux Arts . . . They meet, are smitten (they are in Paris, France, after all), start dating and pretty soon decide that Abbie's apartment at the Cité des Arts Internationale, in the center of Paris, is a way better place to hang out than Chin Sue's tiny apartment in the suburb of Boulogne-Billancourt. At this point it needs to be reported that, when Abbie initially asked Chin Sue to get married, she turned him down! Times were rather tumultuous as Abbie was preparing for his first one-man show in Germany, there was the question of visas and the tiny suspicion that Abbie might be a “red” spy, a communist sleeper cell! (Abbie’s far left political leanings would lead to knock-down-drag-outs that occasionally rocked the otherwise blissful relationship). Anyway, Chin Sue obviously changed her mind at some point, most likely falling victim to the charm that Germans are so abundantly known for. As a consequence, Chin Sue Porterfield and Hans-Joachim Eberhard Virnich (aka Abbie E. Virnich) get married in Denver, CO on February 11, 1978 in a Buddhist ceremony performed by Reverend Okamoto of Tri-State Buddhist Temple, Denver. In the year of their 10th wedding anniversary, their first son, Jerome Marcel Virnich, is getting ready to turn six years old on June 7, 1988. Little does he know that he will be celebrating his birthday in the care of friends as the Elder Virns have a hospital appointment with son number two, Dylan Eberhard Virnich, who decides to share his birthday with his older brother and is born on the same day, six years after Jerome! Such a perfect space. Rich with local Seattle history, and towering, industrial exterior, The Factory Luxe is local venue tucked away inside the historic Rainier Brewery. The original brewery dates all the way back to 1854 when A.B. Rabbeson opened Washington Brewery, Seattle’s first commercial brewing company. Rainier beer was produced in Washington until 1916, when the state enacted its own prohibition, 4 years before the 18th amendment enacted the nationwide prohibition. After prohibition, the Rainier Brewing Company resumed producing "Rainier Beer." The beer is no longer brewed here but the brewery is a well-known fixture in the south end of town. The plant is also home to the Tully's Coffee headquarters, Bartholomew Winery, Red Soul Motorcycle Fabrications, as well as artist lofts, band practice spaces, a recording studio, the Little Red Day Spa, and Factory Luxe. Factory Luxe is a warm, timeless intriguing combination of industrial and elegance. The charming, eclectic space is a blend of contemporary amenities in a rustic vintage setting. We're excited to celebrate here! |